Premature Ejaculation, Rapid Ejaculation, Early Ejaculation, whatever you want to call it (or rather don’t want to call it, cause most of us would rather pretend it doesn’t exist), all it means is ejaculating sooner than you want. In other words it has nothing to do with how long you last. If you wanted to last longer but “couldn’t,” that’s PE.
There’s not a magic number of minutes that make you “good at sex.” Most of us think along those likes, but in reality it’s all very subjective. Where we want to get is to having sex as long as you’d like, then having a great orgasm. Sometimes you’ll want to have sex for a few minutes (quickies are fun)! Sometimes you’ll want to go for longer, like thirty minutes to an hour or more. It’s all possible.
Those of us with experience know the reality behind the scientific labels. What PE really means is 1) we may have never had really satisfying sex with a partner and 2) we may believe ourselves incapable of ever having really satisfying sex with a partner.
While there are some medical conditions which contribute to PE, most of the issues are in the mind and body. They are old limiting beliefs and tensions that work in a vicious cycle to keep PE in place. When we address those beliefs and tensions, the PE eases and we get free from it.
Here’s something cool to consider. No man is ever totally “free” of PE. Every man has ejaculated, and from time to time ejaculates, “before he wants to.” The idea of the guy who just goes and goes like a rock and never “loses control” is a myth. A big part of getting free of PE is getting free of myths like this. By the time we’re done you’ll be laughing at your PE and having fun with it. Once that is true, you’ll know you’re back in control of your sex life.
It doesn’t matter if you come after five minutes of sex; after a few thrusts; the instant you penetrate; if you come before you penetrate; if you come within a few seconds of getting a handjob or a blowjob; if all she/he has to do is look at you to get you to come in your pants. Where you are now will over time become where you want to be, if you start doing the work now to get there.
Happily, there’s some pretty straightforward techniques we can use to cut through the beliefs and tensions and start repairing your sex life. At the beginning it can seem all smoke and mirrors, and even hopelessness, but in the end it’s amazing.
Wherever you’re at, you just have to start walking, and if you keep at it you’ll reach your destination.
The PE Coach 